to not be okay.
I feel lately I have been surrounded by loss in one way or another. Whether it be death, divorce, a break up, a best friend moving across the world, mistakes that truly impact life, and the more it happens, the more I realize it.
I’m not sure if that makes sense, but I just mean that it doesn’t have to be someone super close to me for it to impact me. It could be me hearing a couple that lived down the road from my grandparents when I was 5 is getting a divorce and I question if any love ever lasts.
Death of strangers brings back a rush of memories of my own ghosts, my own angels.
I saw a story for the first time last night about a bride that died with her brother in a helicopter ride on her way to her wedding.. why? Why her? Why my best friend? Why my dad? Why my uncle? Why my best friends dad? Why can’t I take pain of the ones I love away?
Leaving people. Whether it be to move away because of your job, you meet someone that you know you will have to leave but it doesn’t make it any easier, breaking up/divorce and not even because it wasn’t great but because it just wasn’t right, and the worst separation any one will ever experience, death.
No one is ever okay with pain. It’s not like driving a car, new jobs, games, and such where you get use to it and you get better at it. It’s more like period cramps, you know they are coming every month but it doesn’t make them any less painful.
But one thing people don’t talk about a lot is that it is okay to not be okay. You don’t have to wear a fake smile around the people you love or even the people you have no clue who they are or if they would even care. Talk about your pain. Scream if you need to. Turn up that music in your car that makes you cry. Run to that person that you know will always be there no matter how many times you mess up. Call your best friend. We might all be the best at saying that we will be there but when it comes down to it, I like to think the right people will be. So if that first call gets rejected make another.
Find whatever it is that makes you happy. Truly happy. Not that kind that you are covering up everything that is about to fall apart. You don’t NEED a new guy, just because the most recent one didn’t work out. You don’t have to befriend someone you barely get along with because your best friend is gone. Don’t get stuck at some ridiculous job you hate because you don’t think there are other options. Don’t cling to a person because your life isn’t working out the way it’s suppose to right now. Yes, the right people can make you happy and it can be a beautiful recovery. But the wrong people are a band aid, not a cure. That band aid will fall off and all you’ll be left with is a scar and sticky residue.
So find a new book, a new place, someone you can laugh with, your favorite coffee, your favorite new recipe, find your insides and let them be truly happy. Wherever that happiness comes from, it will be beautiful.
You will get back to okay.
If all those phone calls, texts and screams get ignored feel free to reach out to me at
firstname.lastname@example.org I will listen. I will talk back if you want. About anything & everything.